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| Blazer~TJ maxx, Bag~Kohls, Grey T~Selina's, Brown zip up~Target, Jeans~F21, Boots~Thrifted |
The last few months have been a roller coaster and I don't know how to explain what I felt. I couldn't eat or sleep or take care of myself or my kids with out help. When I felt myself falling I was like, "Okay, I'm serious this time. Call the loony bin and tell them to come pick me up." I was at the end of all my proactive planning. I had no other ideas of how to fight it. I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up until it was over. Everyday was hard every minute was hard. I thought I had been through the worst. I was wrong. Not wrong to hope it would end. Hope was all I had, it had to be enough. It just hurt. Like the worst pain I have ever felt and it consumed my whole body.
PPD was the scariest thing I have ever been through. And I feel safe enough to say I am through it. With the help of soooo many people and three weeks in Michigan with my sister I finally feel free.
It seemed like I had to re-learn what being myself was. For so long I had no interest in anything that I liked or remotely liked, let alone loved... I was existing and breathing but that was about all.
It seemed like I had to re-learn what being myself was. For so long I had no interest in anything that I liked or remotely liked, let alone loved... I was existing and breathing but that was about all.
When you fully understand Gods power the trials of life don't seem as threatening.... I'm not quite there yet. I do know now that God has more power than I understood before. I came to the understanding that if God willed it he could, in an instant, remove by burden completely. It didn't happen quite like that. I had to work and search for answers as if all depended on me and yet continue to have faith that God could and would deliver me in his time.
My healing process was like climbing a mountain everyday I was watching my steps and trying not to fall and each day I made a little progress but nothing substantial. Then one day I turned around to look at the view. I had been able to climb much higher than I thought... all of my little steps were adding up. I wanted to get dressed, and wash my hair, maybe make breakfast, get excited to watch a show, feed Benson more, go outside, smile more, laugh, be okay being alone, and the real turning point....thrift shop....okay more like any kind of shop. So, writing on this blog is a step. I love to blog. I had a friend say, "Have you done anything creative? That is when you know you are really back!" So here I am...
back.
My healing process was like climbing a mountain everyday I was watching my steps and trying not to fall and each day I made a little progress but nothing substantial. Then one day I turned around to look at the view. I had been able to climb much higher than I thought... all of my little steps were adding up. I wanted to get dressed, and wash my hair, maybe make breakfast, get excited to watch a show, feed Benson more, go outside, smile more, laugh, be okay being alone, and the real turning point....thrift shop....okay more like any kind of shop. So, writing on this blog is a step. I love to blog. I had a friend say, "Have you done anything creative? That is when you know you are really back!" So here I am...
back.
~Sophie
