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| Blazer~TJ maxx, Bag~Kohls, Grey T~Selina's, Brown zip up~Target, Jeans~F21, Boots~Thrifted |
The last few months have been a roller coaster and I don't know how to explain what I felt. I couldn't eat or sleep or take care of myself or my kids with out help. When I felt myself falling I was like, "Okay, I'm serious this time. Call the loony bin and tell them to come pick me up." I was at the end of all my proactive planning. I had no other ideas of how to fight it. I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up until it was over. Everyday was hard every minute was hard. I thought I had been through the worst. I was wrong. Not wrong to hope it would end. Hope was all I had, it had to be enough. It just hurt. Like the worst pain I have ever felt and it consumed my whole body.
PPD was the scariest thing I have ever been through. And I feel safe enough to say I am through it. With the help of soooo many people and three weeks in Michigan with my sister I finally feel free.
It seemed like I had to re-learn what being myself was. For so long I had no interest in anything that I liked or remotely liked, let alone loved... I was existing and breathing but that was about all.
It seemed like I had to re-learn what being myself was. For so long I had no interest in anything that I liked or remotely liked, let alone loved... I was existing and breathing but that was about all.
When you fully understand Gods power the trials of life don't seem as threatening.... I'm not quite there yet. I do know now that God has more power than I understood before. I came to the understanding that if God willed it he could, in an instant, remove by burden completely. It didn't happen quite like that. I had to work and search for answers as if all depended on me and yet continue to have faith that God could and would deliver me in his time.
My healing process was like climbing a mountain everyday I was watching my steps and trying not to fall and each day I made a little progress but nothing substantial. Then one day I turned around to look at the view. I had been able to climb much higher than I thought... all of my little steps were adding up. I wanted to get dressed, and wash my hair, maybe make breakfast, get excited to watch a show, feed Benson more, go outside, smile more, laugh, be okay being alone, and the real turning point....thrift shop....okay more like any kind of shop. So, writing on this blog is a step. I love to blog. I had a friend say, "Have you done anything creative? That is when you know you are really back!" So here I am...
back.
My healing process was like climbing a mountain everyday I was watching my steps and trying not to fall and each day I made a little progress but nothing substantial. Then one day I turned around to look at the view. I had been able to climb much higher than I thought... all of my little steps were adding up. I wanted to get dressed, and wash my hair, maybe make breakfast, get excited to watch a show, feed Benson more, go outside, smile more, laugh, be okay being alone, and the real turning point....thrift shop....okay more like any kind of shop. So, writing on this blog is a step. I love to blog. I had a friend say, "Have you done anything creative? That is when you know you are really back!" So here I am...
back.
~Sophie
Awesome! After my third kiddo I really struggled with PPD. I hadn't had any inkling of anything like it before, so I can totally relate. So many irrational thoughts, so many days I wish I wasn't on the outside looking in. I'm glad to hear you are on the upside of it now. And good for you talking/blogging about it. So many people like to keep that side private thinking it makes them a bad person or a bad mom. I think it takes more courage to speak about it and claim it than it does to deny anything is wrong. Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad that things are going better for you now. I hope you continue to feel better :) and you look as cute as ever :)
ReplyDeleteI love you Soph! I'm so happy you're back to feeling yourself again. I'm so thankful for you in my life. You are such a blessing. Thank you for your encouraging words and your powerful example. I'm glad you're back :) love you so much!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are doing better now! To this day I'm scared of having a second child because of how I felt after the first one. I didn't have PPD, just bad baby blues, but I couldn't sleep, wasn't interested in anything I used to be interested in, and felt so helpless and alone even with the support of my loving family. I thank God it only lasted a few weeks though. I've been praying for you and I will keep it up! God bless!
ReplyDeleteGlad your making your way back to yourself Sophie! It can be hard, I know from personal experience. I can relate to what you just wrote so much. I know it's not easy but I'm happy you are taking it slow. Wish you the best :)
ReplyDeleteIt's wonderfull to see how far you've come to post this blog....while reading it, I realized we are never alone in our experiences and that there are other people that can relate....it really is a nice feeling!
ReplyDeleteAww beauty so happy to hear you are doing well! Wish you and your presh fam were always in MI though!! Be blessed love~
ReplyDeleteWelcome back, Sophie. I have been rooting for you- you were definitely in my heart while you were down with p.p.d.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you have come through to the other side. Your experience will help countless others- thank you for sharing.
So glad to see you back Sophie! What a tough thing to go thru! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteWe are so lucky to have you back! You sisters are cut from one tough clan ~ God is so good & you are so Blessed! Your big sis has kept us updated and well entertained! So awesome you are back!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back dear girl! You have been missed! :)
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Sophie, I just love you girl! I'm glad you blogged about your experience. I don' t know why you've had to go through all the pain you've been going through, but I know you'll help someone else out through your experiences. You're strong and kind and creative and I'm glad to know you! Love ya, Lana
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so open and honest. I'm glad you're back.
ReplyDeleteThis has kind of a rocker chic vibe to it, I love it!
ReplyDeleteThank you Stephanie!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Lana you have been such a wonderful friend!
ReplyDeleteThanks Twyla! You are a sweet heart.
ReplyDeleteThank you Pat. That means so much. I appreciate your love and support so very much!
ReplyDeleteThanks Megan! It was so awesome to spend time with you. I wish we lived closer too!
ReplyDeleteIt is so true. The more open I have been the more people I have found that I can relate to. We are never alone... it is so true! Thank you and bless your heart for being you.
ReplyDeleteThank you from the bottom of my heart for the prayers. I could feel them and appreciated them so much. I think the thing that has helped me feel like ( maybe in 4 years...) I could have the courage to have another child is the knowledge I have gained... breast feeding made everything worse so I won't be doing that, I have an anti-depressant that I would start taking right after (and since I'm taking it now I know that it works for me) and having family/friends scheduled to visit around the clock for the first two months. I would also start seeing a therapist right after and work on controlling negative thoughts. I would also be open to my husband taking the baby for the first week or two so that I could just get my body to recover and get some good sleep via sleeping aids or what have you. I pray that I will never face such a bleak and horrifying place again but if I do I certainly have a bit more knowledge now. I'm not sure if this applies or even helps but it might:)
ReplyDeleteLots of love,
Sophie
Thanks so much Lauren! Things are really going so much better, thanks for the support!
ReplyDeleteThanks Rachel! You are so right, talking about it has really been a blessing and I have had so many women that relate, which made me feel so much less crazy. Thank you for sharing. I can tell by what you wrote that you have really been there and you do understand. I appreciate you being there.
ReplyDeleteIt definitely helps! Thanks for the info. I agree about the breast feeding, it was torture for both my son and I. Perhaps not trying to go that route will make the next one easier! Subject: [sisters4saymoreismore] Re: The Sisters 4 say.... MORE is More: hello...
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