never gonna quit....

we are coming up on that time of year...

that time where i dance on stage along with my little monsters and try not to make a fool of myself...

i have never stopped dancing, yet i have never stopped "aging"

 i dont feel old, dont get me wrong {i am grateful everyday my shrimpy physique and slightly rounded face fool some people into thinking i am not the mother of my 7 and 10 year olds}

but my body knows i am not 20...

my knees especially 

i simply cannot "jump" anymore!

nobody gives a flying crap about the lonely little adult class on thursday nights, they come to see their toddlers light up the stage with holiday shenanigans...

frankly, when "the moms" {and a few young adults} get on stage for our moment in the spotlight, the parents heads turn down to their programs to see when their kids go on next...

its true, 

i do it.

so why do i freak just a bit? 

its like one of those things no one will notice, unless you screw up!

if i wobble coming out of a turn, or miss a step...

the fear of not living up to the 18 yrs of training...

and then i remember, nobody cares!!!

Sophie gets it though, we have both continued to dance after children {although she is 150x's better than i will ever be} the competition is with ourselves, living up to what we are capable of... 

correct me if im wrong Soph, but i doubt you get nervous to dance anymore, much like i rarely get nervous to sing, whats the point, nerves destroy your natural abilities, mess with your head, cause your knees to buckle and voice to quiver, essentially ruining all the training leading up to that "moment of truth" its crappy to let them get the best of you in any situation...

in certain aspects of my life i have learned to release that feeling, i decide it's useless and that i dont need it... i replace it with excitement, breath, and control... 

most of the time.

why do we let these doubts cause us anxiety?

there is no point, and yet we still let them in...

everyday.

am i a good mother?

am i a good wife?

am i a good friend?

etc.

the list goes on and the anxiety builds...

much like new choreography, the steps seem impossible to remember... are you doing everything right? is it graceful? what about timing? it needs to be perfect...

but as you practice, everything seems to go in slow motion, the steps you worried to remember come naturally to you, they slow down, giving you time to perfect the shape you are making, to get to your next position, you find you can fit more in...

if you just stare at the choreography, its stressful, overwhelming... but if you do it, over and over... its easy, simple and you find you can even do more...

my life is like a piece of very complicated choreography... and i find that i am just staring at it.

i need to get up

and do it until its comes easily

because only then, will i be able to fit more in, have more time, be more at peace...

i need to start today.

i have all the tools, the famous Nike quote comes to mind

"just do it Selina"

{i added my name}

ok guys, wish me luck...

with my life i mean ;)

~selina