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| shoes~Target, skirt~Express, top~Cotton On, cardi~Ross, necklace~Forever 21 |
some doofus-ness for ya...
These pictures were taken last month before the holidays. I am presently sitting at my computer with a pile of tissues next to me and a nose the color of Rudolf's. Everyone is sick in my house. We are watching a crazy amount of Octonaut's and Little Einstein's. It is a whopping 9 degrees outside and I don't feel like going anywhere. My hair is washed though so there is a bit of accomplishment in that.
The Holidays were magical, crazy, fun, and hard... (and full of illness of course).
This month my husband leaves for officer training in the Army for 10 weeks. 10. I have dealt with him leaving for 4-5 weeks before and being gone for his civilian job quite a bit but never 10 whole weeks...
I went through DENIAL (He's not leaving until January I just won't even think about it)
...to FEAR (Crap, he's leaving! What if I lose my mind while he's gone and can't take care of my kids and a zombie apocalypse occurs and... now I feel nauseated) everything but the zombie part occurred in my thoughts during an actual melt down fyi
...which led to ACCEPTANCE (I can't live in fear. CAN'T. prayers... lots more prayers. Allowing the Lord to take over... letting faith happen.
...which led to breathing and thinking logically.
I CAN do this. I will be happy and talk to Brent often on the phone. I will plan to get babysitters and get out of the house once a week to do something fun. I will hang out with friends. I will do one of my 20 hobbies. I will get yummy treats and watch a favorite show after the kids go to bed. I will hang with my awesome 17 year old sister who lives with me and is, oh yeah, awesome. I will be OKAY!
So I am not normally this much of a wreck, here's a little background...
This last month I dealt with some residual effects from my anxiety/depression from last year. When it hits it hits. The hardest part is that it infuses this intense fear and hopelessness. It triggered me to live in a state of fearfulness. When will I have a panic attack? When will I feel crazy? When will hopelessness come over me? It's exhausting.
I was living in the "what if" and giving anxiety far too much power and leverage in my day to day life. What I experienced last year was traumatic. I often feel like I have PTSD and experience "grief spazms" related to what I went through. What I have come to realize is that I can be a person who has anxiety but I don't need to let anxiety be who I am.
Well, now you see why loosing my mind felt like a legitimate fear,
and why my handsome husband leaving for ten weeks seemed like climbing Mt. Everest without oxygen.
But here I am hopeful and happy and aware that I will have some hard days but that I will be okay.
He leaves on January 24th...
..lets not even discuss the year long deployments he will have later on in his career...
; )
My motto: One day at a time.
The truth is life is hard and wonderful all at the same time.
Peace, Love and Hope,
Sophie
You can do it Sophie! Remember when I was pregnant with Afton and Nate was gone for 14 weeks?! YOU my friend, helped me through it! So I know you can handle this with support from your friends and family. :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband is an officer in the Australian Air Force and I can relate *somewhat* to what you're going through (we don't have any children). You are so right; you can do this. You've done the 4 -5 weeks before, this won't be a whole lot different. I have extremely severe anxiety and a panic disorder and I am totally feeling you on 'what if's' and 'when's'. There will be days were the anxiety is bubbling up and you can feel it under the surface and other days, you won't give it a second thought. The main thing to remember is that they are feelings. They can't physically do you harm and taking control is awesome but feelings are neither good nor bad; they are feelings and it is totally fine to feel them. I am reading a book that my doctor advised me to read called 'The Happiness Trap' by Russ Harris and Steven Hayes and I've found it's helped me immensely.
ReplyDelete10 weeks can feel like an impossible goal; take it one day, one morning, one hour even at a time and you can do it.
Sophia, I am so proud of what you have accomplished. I am more amazed at how you reach out to others who are suffering from similar stuff. I know you will be okay. Don't forget to save a date for me and I will come as often as I can!!!! Love Mom
ReplyDeleteMy sweet Soph, you know I needed this. From one anxious heart to another, thanks beauty! Love you!!
ReplyDeleteSoph! I bet that is SO hard. I can't even imagine. I am so sorry you have to be husbandless for that long! But you are amazing and I know you can do it! Have meriel come help you a lot! You are so strong and wonderful.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rach! You are the sweetest, thanks for the support even from afar!
ReplyDeleteI love you too Meg. I actually think about how you are doing a lot! ADORE YOU and your compassionate/anxious heart!
ReplyDeleteand what would I do with out YOOU mom?! Thank you for your support and love lets make plans to hang out A LOT.
ReplyDeleteI am seriously excited to get my hands on this book! I can't even tell you how lovely it was to read your hope-filled comment. The BEST thing ever is to hear from someone who survived and can say, "You will make it through too"... You are an angel, thanks for reaching out (which is sometimes hard to do via blog world). LOVES~ Sophie
ReplyDeleteI just freaking love you Chris! You are such a great example of a strong woman... as in you are not afraid to talk about the bad days but really blow people away with your mommy skills. Miss you very very much friend.
ReplyDeleteOh sweet love how precious of you to think of me! Selina keeps me updated on you and your adorable babes. I heart you ALL! I sooooo wish you lived closer gosh darn it! I'm pretty sure that the three of us could do some serious damage together!! Kisses from MI!!
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